On the shame of success – Musings/3

This blog started with one goal: help me complete the challenge of writing every day. And I did reach that goal, but that’s where a completely new slew of problems began.

I was extremely happy about this result. I was facing down one of my greatest fears and I managed to overcame it, together with a list of small tricks to increase my productivity and my determination.

At the same time, I did not write a single post about it – it has taken me a month and a half to even elaborate that notion. Maybe it’s because I’m not really used to achieving anything more important that breathing in my life, or maybe it’s because I knew this goalpost would lead to more.

In my experience, I have felt this matter of being productive while not reducing oneself’s creativity to a product to be a widespread problem. I would like to reach out to people with my experience, but this has caused me to feel deep shame and shyness.

Maybe I am just swinging from one fear to another: from putting my stuff out there to actively work in sharing it with people. I feel completely inadequate – the sensation is tingling up my spine to bloom on my cheeks, even as I write this.

And yet, it is the next goalpost. The challenge was always about finding something new to face after I managed to reach one goal.

I did not stop writing after I completed my challenge. At this point, it’s safe to say I can aim to 250 days of uninterrupted writing (I’m more than halfway there anyway). I think this will be my next challenge from now on – together with trying to get over my shyness and fear and trying to put this blog out there.

At any rate, thank you for following. Thank you for putting a like. Thank you for reading.

I hope to see you again soon.


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